do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
