You're completely useless in the revolution.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
