part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
