Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
