Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
