I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i think im in europe. pls send help
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
