Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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