Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
