I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
