Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
