I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
