I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
