he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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