If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My ass is underappreciated
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
