I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
