I'm lost and stupid without you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
