remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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