I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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