I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
