So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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