He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
