how can u be prego again
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
