i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
