Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
