Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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