Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
