i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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