I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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