It's Friday. Sex?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
