apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
