i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
