btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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