Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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