you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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