I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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