we made out on top of his cat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
