You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
