I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
