You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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