Buhtt sex?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
