Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
