I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
