EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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