I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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