If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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