i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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