Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
