I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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