when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
