Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
