Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
