and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
